I spent my twenties trying—and failing—to avoid the internet. Or, more accurately, avoiding social media. My engagement with a handful of platforms was having a negative impact on my mental health, and on my way of engaging with the world around me.
The constant stream of push notifications and messages to reply to stresses me out. Between email, Messenger and WhatsApp (for example) I felt myself becoming distracted and needy. I never got away from work, and I was constantly either receiving or sending messages to my friends. I need time alone: to think, to write, to read. I find it rejuvenating to commune with myself, and think about my life and the world I'm moving through. At some point in my twenties I realised that I was never really alone. The shadowy presence of someone I could message was always there, pulling me ever so slightly in their direction.
I felt myself getting dumber. I've mostly avoided using, say, Instagram or X/Twitter. I'm not showy enough for the former, and not witty enough for the latter. But I did use Reddit, and a variety of dating apps. During the Covid pandemic my use of both—and of internet spaces in general—became more frequent. I was doing a PhD at the time, but at some point I was consuming more threads discussing Charli XCX or RuPaul's Drag Race than the kind of long form reading that nourishes me. I also found myself being engulfed by the way that we are encouraged to objectify other people on dating apps, whilst simultaneously being depressed by the way I was being objectified. It was not a good combination.
I resent, too, the way that every part of our lives can become consumable all of the time. LinkedIn for work, Twitter for commentary, Instagram for pictures, and so on. I don't want someone I don't know to be able to see into my life that way. I am an emotionally open person, but I want to feel boundaried in myself, to be able to have control over what people see and what they can engage with. In my non-internet life I'm careful with what I share.
This is not a "social media is bad" hot take. One of my good friends often reminds me that we're living through an information revolution, and that it's understandable that we can feel a little bit weird about it. My wish to avoid social media is my slice of feeling weird.
I am no longer in my twenties, and I realise that people might want to keep up with what I'm doing. This site is so that people who are interested in me—for whatever reason—can do that. They can see what I share and when. If that applies to you, please have a look around.